Building a Strong Marriage
What makes a strong marriage?
That question makes me uncomfortable.
Because there have absolutely been periods of my life when Rachel got what was left.
I was teaching.
Running a construction business.
Working ridiculous hours.
Solving everyone else's problems.
And then I'd come home exhausted and somehow expect the most important relationship in my life to survive on the scraps of my energy.
That's backwards.
As I've gotten older, I've come to believe that one of the most consequential decisions you'll ever make is who you choose to walk through life with.
This is the person who may stand beside you through careers, children, financial stress, aging parents, celebrations, disappointments, illness, grief and eventually mortality itself.
I've understood that differently after watching Rachel lose her father.
There are moments when the person beside you doesn't need you to fix anything.
You can't.
They simply need to know you're there.
Those experiences taught me something important about building a strong marriage:
It's almost never 50/50.
Sometimes I'm capable of giving 90 and Rachel only has 10.
Sometimes I'm the one running on fumes and she carries us.
That's partnership.
Not keeping score.
Not demanding perfect equality every day.
Recognizing that we're playing for the same team.
Here's the truth we're taught to avoid
A strong marriage isn't built only during the good times.
Love isn't always romantic.
Sometimes love looks like carrying more than your share.
Marriage has highs.
It has lows.
There are periods when you're deeply connected and periods when life gets in the way.
Kids.
Work.
Money.
Stress.
Grief.
Exhaustion.
And occasionally an argument about something so spectacularly insignificant that twenty minutes later neither person can remember what started it.
That's life.
The strength of a relationship isn't measured by whether you encounter difficult seasons.
It's measured by whether you continue turning toward each other during them.
Rachel and I complement each other because we're not the same.
We have different strengths.
Different weaknesses.
Different perspectives.
Sometimes she sees something I can't.
Sometimes I push when she needs pushing.
Sometimes she slows me down when I desperately need slowing down.
That's what a great teammate does.
They don't simply make life easier.
They help you become better at living it.
"
Legacy begins long before we're gone. It is written about how we love the people beside us today.
— Michael Drake, The Paradox of a Mortal Mind
Core Lesson
Stop treating your most important relationship like it will maintain itself.
We schedule meetings.
We schedule workouts.
We schedule appointments.
We schedule our children's activities.
But somehow we expect our marriages to thrive on whatever time happens to remain.
They won't.
Building a strong marriage requires intention.
Connection needs attention too.
Because one day the house will be quieter.
The schedules will change.
The children will grow.
The careers will end.
And hopefully, the person who has been walking beside you through all of it is still there.
Don't wait until then to rediscover each other.
This Week's Action
How to Build a Strong Marriage This Week
Do something incredibly simple.
Tell your partner one thing you genuinely appreciate about them.
Not a generic:
"Love you."
Tell them why.
Something they do.
Something they've carried.
Something about who they are.
Then ask:
“What's one thing we should do more of together?”
And listen.
No phone.
No defending.
No fixing.
Just listen.
Because a strong marriage isn't built through one grand romantic gesture.
It's built through thousands of small moments when two people continue choosing each other.
Ready to go deeper? The Paradox of a Mortal Mind shows you how to turn that urgency into a life you're proud of.
If you're navigating grief, family distance, or the quiet weight of conversations that haven't happened yet, I'd be honored to work through it with you. I have a small number of 1:1 coaching spot available for people ready to do the real work.
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